I’m originally from small town Maine, now living life out in Southern California with my husband, baby boy (plus one on the way!), and pup. You’ll usually find me sipping a big ol’ water, a coffee, or a spicy marg, sunnies on, with a baby in one hand and a dog in the other. I’m an eternal optimist but I like to keep it real. I’m a nerd at heart and spend lots of time reading about allll the things. Call me queen of over and under watering my plants. I’m usually belting out ballads and pretending I sound pretty darn good. Snacks are my jam. I'm all for a well-placed swear word. Nerd out over personality tests? Myers-Briggs INFJ + Enneagram 9w1 + Human Design Generator 2/4 + HSP/Empath (but you already knew that one!).
Take care of yourself. Find time for yourself. Give yourself grace.
Somewhere along the line you’re taught that moms should wear their exhaustion, depletion, hustle, and selflessness as a badge of honor. You start believing that your needs don't matter as much anymore since you have kids.
It's harder now than it was before to speak up for yourself and protect your boundaries and energy. Self-care feels non-existent. You're under-slept and overloaded, and most days you feel touched out, fried, irritable, and not yourself.
You beat yourself up about how you’re handling motherhood. You feel badly doing things for yourself, needing time alone, missing parts of your pre-baby life. You lose sight of who you are outside of being a mom, or you stop nurturing your other passions.
And you try to be a perfect mom – to do it all, make it look easy, never ask for help.
You may have forgotten but I’m here to remind you…
You're worthy of so much more.
You carry so much - and that shit gets heavy.
In motherhood there's already so many things that can lead to unspoken shame – your parenting style, changing body, decision whether to return to a job, ability to juggle all the household duties and roles, you name it.
Then as an HSP/empath, there's a whole other realm of difficulty because your nervous system is working on overdrive to process all the extra stimuli that are now the norm (that's really exhausting already); it's way harder to get alone time to recharge; and you're super in tune to both your own emotions and everyone else's around you - we all know there's lots of strong emotions at hand when you're growing a family...
So what might shame-free motherhood look like for an HSP?
It's ditching the “shoulds” and seeing that there’s not one right way to be a mom. It’s understanding that your health and happiness matter, and that running yourself ragged isn’t something to be celebrated. It’s asking for help and support when you need it. It's consistently practicing self-care (even when it feels like you have no time). It's communicating your boundaries to others, guilt-free. It’s knowing that needing breaks from mom’ing doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s throwing out the constant I’m-not-enough thoughts and comparisons. It’s ditching the hustle for perfection and seeing that you’re enough just as you are right now.
Bright airy vibes,
snacks & apps,
all things self-care
the word "should",
My new journey began the moment I finally said enough.
I spent 10 years as a mental health therapist, along with doing life coaching, fitness and wellness coaching, and recovery coaching. What I saw across all those settings and in my personal circle, was shame at the root of so many people’s pain.
I became fascinated with better understanding shame (strange I know, most people would rather think about anything else!). I believe it's one of the most painful human emotions, yet also one of the most common and least talked about. I knew I was going through a lot of shame myself, particularly about honoring my own needs, speaking up for myself, and not letting others down. But I also felt there was something else going on...something related, perhaps adding to my shame, but definitely different.
I was always up in my head, intensely processing, feeling things really deeply (the good and bad). I was sensitive to whatever was going on around me - stimulation and sensory input felt severely draining sometimes. I craved being alone to recharge. I was extra hard on myself. I experienced my own emotions and other people's emotions so strongly.
So was I weird? Just sensitive? Lil' different? Through a bunch of research and self-exploration, it became very clear I was both an HSP and an empath. Figuring this out was so validating and it kickstarted me on a path towards helping others in the same boat.
I'd spent so many years hiding from certain traits of mine, not willing to be vulnerable and not able to be fully me because I was too worried about proving my worth and showing up perfectly for everyone else – even if it meant compromising my own health and happiness in the process. It weighed me down for far too long.
AFTER YEARS OF DOING THE TOUGH INNER WORK WITH MYSELF, I've learned how to own my own story.
Once I became a mom, I finally said enough. Enough denying my own needs and vulnerabilities, enough pushing through the overwhelm, enough questioning my enough-ness. It hit me how much my old patterns could impact my parenting and my ability to really show up the way I wanted to for life. I decided to embrace my sensitivities as a gift, to learn how to navigate life as an HSP/empath instead of hiding from it, and to let go of the shame I'd been feeling about putting myself first. I committed to doing the work and healing from these things that had been holding me back. And it is work. But is it worth it? Hell yes - a hundred times over.
now i want to help you own yours.
Self-care is a daily necessity, not an occasional treat. Life gets messy sometimes and it’s much easier to embrace that than to fight it or push it away. The freedom and joy that comes when you start showing up as your authentic, imperfect self is freakin’ game-changing.
You're already so much more than enough.
cheers to you, mama.
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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
- anais nin